Would I Change It?

My life has not been what anyone would call an easy life. It was pretty cushy until I hit college and then I started to learn what life was really about. In my earlier posts I have told about some of my struggles. Would I change my life? I have thought this through many a time. I then take a look around me and see what other's problems are and I realize that I wouldn't want to change my set for someone else'. Even in my own extended family, I cannot find a single person without their own heartaches and difficulties. Often I think that Heavenly Father must stay pretty busy just deciding where not to intervene in the problems of all his children. I know this has been one of my biggest challenges. More than a few times, I have chosen to get involved where I shouldn't have and wished that I could reverse the results. On many other occasions, usually with the help of the Spirit, I have intervened with really positive results. I guess the operative word is "Spirit". When I have listened to the Spirit, it has always worked out right in the end whether the results initially appeared right or not. The big trick is figuring out when it is the Spirit and when it isn't. Sometimes I still don't know and often, usually on the little promptings, I choose to doubt myself and regret the results. I guess that is why we're here but I don't have to like it. Occasionally I sure do wish I could go home!

The Gift Mary Gave

Below is a picture of the last baby to be born in our family. His name is Aidan and his mother is our youngest daughter. We are soon to have another little miracle in our midst. We know this baby is a boy but we don't yet know his name. He will be Jour oldest son's first son (after 4 beautiful daughters). The whole process absolutely amazes me every time. Is it any wonder that I am in awe of a young girl who virtually gave herself up to give life to the Savior of the World. A few years ago I heard a song by Amy Grant and Chris Eaton. It touched me as no other Christmas song ever has. It is named 'Breath of Heaven/Mary's Song. The words are as follows.

I have traveled many moonless nights. Cold and weary with a babe inside and I wonder what I've done.
Holy Father you have come and chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer. I am frightened by the load I bear, in a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone. Be with me now. Be with me now.

Breath of Heaven hold me together, be forever near me.
Breath of Heaven.
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness, pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy, Breath of Heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face if a wiser one should have had my place.
But I offer all I am, for the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong, help me be, help me.

Breath of Heaven hold me together, be forever near me.
Breath of Heaven.
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness, pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy, Breath of Heaven.

I teach Tai Chi and I am often telling students that to let go of control is really to gain it. Mary had to turn herself entirely over to Heavenly Father and His wisdom and His plan. I find it difficult to let go of control over even the smallest things sometimes. it It is hard for me to imagine someone so humble as to allow her life to be given to someone else for the greater cause of mankind. However, in my years on this earth, I have learned that to give myself over to my Heavenly Father's plan makes things so much simpler. Even then, I often choose not to do so.

At this Christmas time, I would hope that we all, myself included, can come to a place where we let go of our selfish impulses even for a short time and remember the Gift that Mary gave, the gift of self, to bring about a better world.

The babe

To My Awesome Children

What's it like to have amazing kids? It's satisfying, joyous, full of moments of pride and tender tears.

I want my kids to know how much I appreciate all that each of them do to make my life the wonderful adventure it is.

Last night we had our usual annual Christmas party. It was probably the most satisfying party I have ever had in my home and there have been more than a few. I made chicken soup, two huge pots and it was all gone at the end. I made it because I did it a few years back for a party centered on what they would have eaten in the Saviors day. It was the most popular dinner I ever made so maybe it will become a tradition. Everyone was happy and seemed relaxed and enjoyed themselves including me. We centered our party on what a terrific father and grandfather and husband etc. Ken is. Each family did their part in a different way but each was beautiful. They all touched my heart with their insights from listening to Benson read his tribute to grandpa (of course I cried), to big, tough Kenny sobbing about grandpa, to the comments of the "in-laws" (a word those who know us know we dislike) on how accepted they feel. It was peaceful and satisfying and fulfilling. There is no way I can begin to express my joy at seeing those young people whose care has been entrusted to me.

Thank you Heather, Bill, Jason, Aretta, Jenny, Tim, Micah and Sarah for being the people you are, the amazing, loving, giving, tender-hearted, kind, compassionate, responsible people that are you. Thank you for taking care of your children, my grand children, in a way that makes me proud to be your mother. Thanks for making me want to be a better person and for keeping me humble when I observe all your accomplishments no matter when, where or how they occurred.

Thanks for letting me stand by and admire your courage in facing your demons and conquering those things that would hold others back. Thanks for your desire to help all those around you to become better and for accepting others no matter their limitations. You are every mother's dream. Oh yes, I know none of you are perfect and sometimes I am tempted to say, "What are they thinking!" Then I think about my parents thinking the same things about me and that puts it all into perspective.

I wouldn't trade one of you for anyone else in the world. There are no other children in the world that I would rather be mother to. You are my hopes, my dreams, my work and my glory all come to fruition in children worthy to be called sons and daughters of Heavenly Father. You are everything I hoped you would be and more. You are my life and my love. Having said that, "Say your prayers and get to work! There is no time to rest. There is still much work for you to do."