Children-A Choice

One of my greatest passions is my children and grandchildren. I have 5 children and they are each amazing in their own way. I have 15 grandchildren with 1 on the way. They were each born with a different spirit. Being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the Mormons), I believe that we lived a life as spirit children of our Heavenly Father before we came here to earth. I believe we formed personalities and made choices in that life that affect what we are like and what we do here. Whether you have that belief or not, you have to admit that each little person comes here with traits and abilities that you have no explanation for. Each little one is born with the definite imprint of his or her own personality.

I teach a Marriage and Family Relations class and I believe one of my prime responsibilities is to try and get each person in the group to think about the choices they make before facing the situation in which that choice will be implemented. It constantly amazes me how few people think about their choices before the choice must actually be made. This seems especially true in the choice to have children.

Let see, it goes something like this. Boy meets girl. He/she is cute and funny and fun. I like to be with this person. Maybe I would like to be with them for a long time. I will marry this person. I don't know, maybe we should have children. They are so cute and they will love me no matter what. That would be fun! Whoa! What happened to challenging, tons of work, frustrating, heart breaking, joyous, funny, expensive, time consuming etc. It never enters some of their minds that when they make this decision, they are choosing to alter their lives forever. Also, they are choosing to shape another life that is in their care.

In class, we spend a lot of time on the things that most don't think about. We talk about things like what do I want my children to learn from me. What qualities do I want to instill in my children. What natural talents and abilities does my child have and how do I enhance those. Do I really want to push any child to do the things I didn't have a chance to do. Where is the line that defines how hard I push or what I should let go. Many young people have given virtually no thought to most of these questions.

What they don't understand is that when you choose to have a child, many of your other choices go straight out the window. Let's face it, if you are a good parent, junior's good comes first. Good bye to going wherever I want and doing whatever I want. Mary has a play that I will need to see. Jonny has 10 football games this year. Do I need to be to all of them? Should I let Sandy take Karate or should I push her to do ballet, after all, I didn't get that chance. I know George has been taking piano lessons for 3 years and doesn't seem any better but...... How do we answer those questions? Especially in the world as it is today.

Could it be that quality is not enough? Could it be that I need quantity enough to get to know my child like he/she really deserves to be known. YES!!! The only way to find the answers to all those questions is to take the time to really know your child. You must ask questions and you MUST LISTEN TO THE ANSWERS. My daughter has 6 beautiful, talented and highly individual children. They were raised in the same house but they were not raised in the same way. There must be adjustments for each child's personality, their likes and dislikes, their talents and abilities, their tastes and choices. This is a time and labor intensive undertaking. If you do not do it, someone else will but maybe you won't like the outcome.

Each of my children has turned out amazingly well! This simply proves that sometimes in spite of parental errors, things work out ok. The one thing I did do right was sincerely love each of them and give them my time. I learned to swallow hard and say, "I'm sorry. I was wrong!" I learned to wind cords for various machines whose purpose I didn't understand but which apparently made the band practicing in my basement sound "cool". I didn't necessarily love their music but I knew where they were. I did find too, that the songs they were playing had some tremendously meaningful lyrics. I learned American Sign Language. You would be amazed at how many parents of deaf chidlren choose to not learn to communicate with them. I had multiple before and after Prom events. I was chauffer to many. I listened to all and when my nephew who lived with us said to me, "Even the bad times here are good!" I never forgot it.

If you don't have children yet, make the choice to think about it first. If you do have children, make a choice to give your all to that awe inspiring task. I promise you will never regret it! Remember, you can are the one that can choose to make "even the bad times" seem good!