Not Another Prospective Author!

Most of my adult life I have wanted to write a book. Not one of those mystery novels or historical fiction or self-help books that I like to read. Not one of those information textbook type books. I have wanted to write a book that says, because I have been through this and survived, you can do it too kind of books, an encouragement book if you will. I have always felt that someone else could benefit from the experiences I have been through myself and with my family.

I have had a few of Dr. Phil's defining moments in my life. I have had more than a few of those days when I truly didn't think I could make it and honestly didn't care. You see, I have this funny point of view about the "alternative". You know, the "alternative" that everyone says doesn't look so good to them when they are sick, discouraged, wasted or just plain tired and don't want to face another day. I kind of think the "alternative" looks pretty good. That is not to say that I would deliberately choose "the alternative". It just means that I don't think it sounds so bad. I choose to stay here with my family and friends right now but I haven't as my husband so delicately puts it, "fallen in love with this world." I don't think I ever will. Today is my birthday and as I get each year older, I fall less in love with the world, especially as it is today. You see, I can clearly remember being 15 or 16 and having these moments when I felt like this was not my real life. Those moments were so vivid and I remember thinking I was living a dream. Not an amazing, wonderful dream, not a nightmare, just a dream.

I live here because of my amazing family. I graduated from college and yes, shortly after that, I got a tall, dark and handsome, kind, gentle and virtuous, returned missionary college student for a husband. We followed the advice of a prophet and didn't put off having a family. Our first daughter was born 9 months and 2 weeks after we were married. Thank goodness for those 2 weeks or every old lady's tongue would have been wagging instead of just a few! 12 months and 10 days later, we had our second child, a son. My husband worked 30 hours a week on 2 jobs, took 18 hours of credit every semester of school until he graduated and we built a house during that time. Kids now hear us say that and they think we were just plain crazy or lying. It is the plain and simple truth. Funny thing is, we just thought we were the average normal couple because all our friends did pretty much the same.

My world then began to fall apart. One piece at a time I began to lose my idea of what a perfect life was. I have since redefined that "perfect" world. At the time though, my world was defined mostly by pain and anger. Actually, my world was coming together in a different way than I had planned. Don't all our worlds do that? I was about to learn some of life's most valuable lessons. Looking back, I have changed my choices and my passions and my definitions have become more broad. Now, I find "perfection" is what is perfect for me and see that all these elements of the past have come together to make my life "perfect" for the person it has made me. Paraphrasing Eleanor Roosevelt, "The lives we lead are a result of the choices we make."