Should I Cry?

Should I cry or should I not! I have a serious problem with the perception that many of us have that we are not allowed to cry. Sometimes this perception originates with others, sometimes it comes from within. My husband has said many times that the one time he knew he was really in trouble was when he came to a place that he couldn't cry. I have to agree.

Where does this come from? We Americans are very good at teaching especially little boys that they are tough and shouldn't cry. Excuse me, but what a crock. We often cover up with jokes and laughter or other things we use to compensate.  We don't give people a chance to really express themselves and consequently to heal. If someone wants to talk or cry or "let it all out" they should have that opportunity without feeling recrimination of any kind.  It bothers me intensely that every time someone in Relief Society cries, they feel the need to apologize as if they had done something wrong.

Ken and I have tried to create a "safe harbor" at our home, a place where anyone who wants to come can come and if they need to talk, there is a listening ear that will not spread the "juicy gossip". We have had many of our children, grandchildren and friends and even a few "strangers" sit and tell us things that they don't feel comfortable talking with others about. Everyone needs a "safe harbor". It is a necessity of life. Everyone needs someone who accepts them "no matter what"!

We have had a pretty "intense" year to say the least.  I have done more than my share of crying.  I have been in hospital several times with two surgeries, we have lost Ken's neice, his sister, my aunt and very nearly lost our son-in-law.  Jen has had 3 miscarriages and we have moved her business twice.  She is now expecting a baby and I have shed happy tears for the good news.  There are times I feel like just crying out of nowhere and times, like the night our home was broken into that I have sobbed, out of control, because of the invasion of my last bastian of safety.  It is therapeutic for me and forgive me if you must, I am not going to quit anytime soon.

Feeling Safe

Well, what an interesting 10 days we've had.  I have written about Bill and not becoming bitter.  My "last straw" test was Friday night when our house was broken into.  That is what I wanted to write about.  I am not doing a recap, that will follow later.  I am doing a piece for and about you, my friends and family and about my feelings.

I have had a great deal of time to think this over.  In fact, that is about all I have done the last 24 hours.  I have gone through the whole range of emotions that someone has in this kind of situation.  I have had disbelief from the moment I walked in the door until now.  I have been angry but that has passed for the time being.  Something in a prayer Ken said which originally came from his Mission President has gone over and over through my head.  Ken said' "Thank Thee Father, that I was not the one doing this awful thing!"  President Rasmussen always talked about how we should be grateful that we do not find ourselves in situations where we have to resort to such terrible things to make our world work.

I don't know who broke into my house and probably never will.  I have not yet forgiven him but I can't help think of the terrible gremlins he must have in his life that would cause him to do something like this.  Our house is full of pictures of the Savior and my children.  This man did everything he did in the face of those I hold most dear but he probably didn't even notice.  After all, they are only pictures or statues and they didn't really feel did they?  Yes, they did!  Everyone I know has been touched by this invasion in some way.

To all of you, please do not live your lives in fear.  I am not and neither should you.  Yes, someone came into my home uninvited but I am safe.  He came while no one was home, most probably because he didn't want to deal the consequences of facing someone.  He did not want to be seen or hurt and I choose to think he did not want to hurt anyone.  His "wants" are important too but we seldom think of those.  He did this to feed his "needs".

The police think he broke in only to get money, probably to support an addiction.  He took nothing else of value.  My cameras and computers and T.V. sets and jewelry were all easily within
 his reach yet he dragged an 800 lb. gun safe which was full into another room to try and get it open.  He did very little to damage my home but he dumped drawers, we think to try to find the combination to the safe when he couldn't get it open in ways that had worked for him before.  He wanted money.  That is all.

Nothing that has happened is worth living in fear.  I now have a new alarm system and new dead bolts.  They do make me feel more safe and comfortable.  Nothing like being broken into to get you same day service.  I have now learned to be more careful when walking into my home.  It didn't register for a couple of minutes even though the safe was sitting on it's back in the middle of my family room.  I have learned thre are things you should and shouldn't do because he was probably in our house when we came in the driveway.

I have learned to do what you can to make yourself safe, then trust in the Lord to lead your life where it should go.  Bill is alive today because of how everything lined up exactly right for him.  I have learned from that.  Ken and I are safe and lost nothing of value because we were being watched over.  I have learned from that.  I have learned from this experience, again, that I have everything that is important.  My house was empty a lot then full of security people, policemen, family and friends, children and laughter in the last few days.  I think most about the children and laughter.  Do not be afraid.  Most people in the world want to be good.  Most people in the world ARE GOOD.  There is much to find joy in!!!  I love you.

P.S.  Had the man gotten into the safe, he would have found things of value.  That is where we keep genealogy books, family records and cd's of pictures of our family to protect them from fire and water etc.  They are the things that hold real value for us.

Bitter or Better!

Well, things are calming down around here a bit. Bill is home amazingly quickly. Things are moving along as well as they possibly could on the physical plain. The mental, emotional plain is a whole other issue. I find it interesting that most of us "suck it up", "pull it together", "make it work" etc. as long as we must. The trick is in not falling apart when things slow down and are not so intensely necessary.

That is where our little family is now. A friend hugs one of the children who seems to be doing okay and she falls apart. A simple question is asked and receives a "snappy" answer. Some of us want to hide and never deal. Some of us talk about it repeatedly. It occupies every spare minute of our brain "free" time. While sitting at church or at school or anywhere else, while driving along, you suddenly realize that your mind is occupied with thoughts of the event that so drastically changed your life, your whole family's lives. Everyone feels like they are the singular one experiencing these feelings until you get together and begin to talk.

Life is full of these events. None of us knows when the next one will pop up. So we start living our days as we always have, trying to push those thoughts to the back of our minds, hoping the next thing will never come about. The next one comes and somehow, even though we hate it, we repeat the process. Each time we're hoping nothing like this happens again.

The cycle of life involves people dealing, each in his/her own way with events that we never would choose. The difference then is to make the best of each event, to learn and grow rather than become bitter. We all are hoping to become better through our experiences. What is the difference between those who do and those who don't? I wish I knew but I do know that resilience is a gift that some of us are born with and some of us learn. It is one of the most precious gifts we have. Some of us use it, some don't.

The Miracle of Bill

The Miracle of Bill

February 5, 2011

February 3rd and 4th I watched a miracle. It was not a single small miracle but a collection of many miracles all come together to make one very large miracle happen. It was not "dumb luck" or serendipity. Although I believe in those things, (I don't believe that the "stars align"), I believe these events were an orchestration by a master to bring about a symphony. I believe Heavenly Father intervened to help us keep one gentle soul in our family to be with his wife and raise his children and bless all our lives.

Everything that happened, happened at the right time and in the right way. Bill, my son-in-law, had a very serious heart attack while running on the treadmill and when Heather, my daughter, found him, he was in cardiac arrest. She and Bill are the heroes of this story or more accurately, they were the tools in the hands of the Master. They were not the only tools however. This is a recollection and gathering of information from various individuals about the day of his heart attack and the 2 days that followed. It is written mostly for Bill, Heather and their children but I hope many others will get some understanding of a miraculous number of small events that made this marvelous outcome.

Bill often runs out in the neighborhood. The temperature the last few days has been in the single digits so he chose to run at home. Had he been out, or in SLC alone hanging out with Carson as he was the night before, or in Monroe away from timely services, or driving his car, or had he sat down quietly when he felt some pain, no one would have found him and he would be gone. Instead, he kept on running and then passed out. Heather and Amanda heard him fall. Heather was reading in the next room with her hearing aid on. When she found him, she started CPR and told her kids what to do to get help. Heather had taken a CPR class a few years ago and this kicked in as she began chest compressions. Amanda, who often stays with Aunt Jen but tonight decided to come home and was studying in the family room, called 911. She had also heard his fall and ran to his aid. Kenny, who is often with friends, ran to get the neighbor who happened to be home and very capable and was also incidentally, their bishop. Kenny then called Jenny and Tim. Bishop Kofford took over CPR for Heather.

The ambulance and crew and several officers and fire-fighters arrived in a timely manner. Bill had CPR pretty much the whole time at home. How in the world did the younger boys sleep through all that commotion? Carson was asleep in the next room to where all this was taking place. I think angels were watching over them. Two officers arrived and they took over CPR duties. The third officer that came had a defibrillator in his car and they used it to start Bill’s heart while still at the house. An ambulance arrived with capable paramedics. Jen and Tim arrived at the house. No one knew just exactly how long Bill had been without oxygen to his brain but we do know it was a while. Jen thinks it was probably about 10 to 12 minutes. The time elapsed from when Kenny first called Jenny, to A.F. Hospital and then to when Bill was on his way to Utah Valley was 35 minutes. We figured it out from cell phone call times.

The American Fork Hospital intubated Bill to assist his breathing, the tube helped him breathe but was also to play another very important role later. They gave him medication and did an EKG which they relayed to the cardiologist. Everyone at the A.F. hospital did their jobs well and realized that Bill needed more help than they could give so they stabilized him and in 15 to 20 minutes sent him on to Utah Valley but not before Tim anointed him and Bishop Kofford gave him a blessing. Time was of the essence which is why Utah Valley was chosen but Jenny had to talk Heather into sending him there. Jenny was terribly afraid that if Bill didn’t make it, Heather would never forgive her. Here you need to understand something that is very difficult for Bill and all his family and many of the rest of us. Bill's dad died in Utah Valley Hospital during a violent reaction to a procedure done there after he had a heart attack. This threw another gamete of feelings into the mix! We weren't treated very well in that incident and none of us knew if we wanted Bill there. Thank goodness things have drastically changed in the intervening years. Thank goodness Heather listened to her sister. The tube which AF placed began pushing oxygen to Bill’s body from the machine to which it was attached.

Jenny and Tim, who happened to be home from work were available to go up only after they found someone to watch their children. Understand that there are very few they trust to do that but a good friend had just moved in next door and she came running to help. They were dearly needed because Ken and I had gone to Vernal for business and had decided to stay there for the night and of course, most of the Schoemigs were in Monroe. Jen and Tim would become Heather’s support system and our communications link for the next few hours. The awesome neighbors stayed with the children and saw that they all received blessings of comfort until Aunt Jeannie Pierce, Ken’s sister, could get there to stay the night. Of course with her there, it became a movie watching, game playing, slumber party to distract the kids from their fears and concerns.

Ken and I were on our way in from the Uintah Basin in -3 degree weather all the while relaying messages between Jenny at the hospital and Schoemigs at their home and then on their way up. I think it only took us about 5 minutes to get dressed and pack up our things and then we were on the way back after receiving the first call from Jen. Kenny had called us first and when we didn’t answer, called Jen within a minute. Everything was a blur until we saw the cow elk start onto the road and then decide to stay there. Lucky for us there is no traffic on the road at that time of night because the opposite lane suddenly became ours. That kind of got us back into the place we needed to be to get home safely. At Strawberry Summit, the wind started to blow the snow across the road and we got behind a truck to find our way. I continued to relay messages.

In my mind, there were thoughts of all the things that could be wrong even though the spirit was telling me that everything would be okay. The devil always wants us to think the worst and often we aid him in his quest. My mind kept going back to the concern that they lack of oxygen might create serious problems for Bill and by extension his little family. If he did make it, for death too was a possibility, would he be able to continue in life as he had in the past. Would he know his family, his friends, remember his work, his life, would he function at all and so forth. His job involved intricate work, artistic skill and fine motor skills. Would he still have those to take care of his family. How would Heather raise a family of six children without him or worse still, would he need full time care from her while she raised 6 children virtually alone.

Back at the hospital, they rushed him to the cath lab. They had been informed of the allergy Bill’s dad had to the dye. While there wasn’t time to test Billy for that, they prepared ahead to deal with it if it happened to him. Jenny said they told them it would be 45 minutes to 2 hours and she thought it took about an hour. In that time, they placed two stents, one in his left anterior descending artery which was 99% closed and one in his right coronary artery which was closed 80%. It is amazing that he had gone as long as he had without incident. We arrived at the hospital just after they finished the stents. Bill had no bad reaction to the dye.

What he did have a bad reaction to was being tied down. It took four nurses to hold him down until he was sedated because he was so young and strong and fighting them all. He fought when it was the most important, for his life. Because Bill is deaf, communication was very difficult for him and for those serving him. He didn’t understand what had happened to him nor all the procedures he had endured. He didn’t understand why he had tubes and wires coming from everywhere. He didn’t even understand that his hearing aid was not one of the the invasive devices and he didn’t want it in. Many professionals did everything possible to help him understand to the best of their abilities. They called an interpreter to help.

He threw up repeatedly. We were told that the tube which had helped him breathe also helped prevent him from aspirating all that liquid into his lungs. This could have been dangerous in many ways, the possibility of pneumonia or even suffocation was real had the tube not filled the airway. In the cath lab, most people are not intubated. When he came out of the lab, many of us were waiting for him. They gave him propofol to calm him because he was fighting everything but this meant he had to continue to have help to breathe. We all waited to see if he would be able to breathe on his own.

During this waiting, one of the most amazing parts of this whole episode took place. Of course, many of his family and some friends were together there. Dad thought it would be good if everyone there joined together to evidence their support and faith with another blessing. All the priesthood holders there laid hands on Bill’s head to ask Heavenly Father’s blessing on him. Those involved were Ken, Tim, Tracy, Josh, Bishop Kofford and Bro. Taylor. Heather, Jen, Kathleen, Heidi, Leslie, Amy and I added our faith. It was a very spiritual few moments and when it was over there was absolute assurance that Bill would be fine.

Repeatedly, we were told that we should be prepared for the possibility of neurological damage as well as damage to his heart. We were told that most young men who came in under the same circumstances spent days, weeks or even months in a coma and many of them never came out of it. Removing the ventilator tube was very traumatic and again Bill repeatedly threw up. When it was through, he was breathing on his own. Slowly, every apparatus was removed and Bill reacted better and better. He asked repeatedly what had happened and why he was there. We had been warned of this earlier and were prepared to deal with it but even that improved quickly.

48 hours after suffering cardiac arrest, Bill Schoemig was sitting up in bed without tubes coming from everywhere. He is in good spirits and visiting with everyone unselfishly even though he nearly left us. Some might call this coincidence or luck or whatever but those of us present in these last 48 hours know from whence our blessing came. Heavenly Father has more work for this young man here and we are the beneficiaries. Thanks to everyone who took part in facilitating this miracle. Thanks to the ward members, the friends, the family who were where they needed to be when they needed to be there. Thanks Jen and Tim for filling in for some distraught parents who could do nothing. Most of all, thank you Bill for maintaining a strong body, mind, spirit and will. Thank you Heather for exercising strength and self-control in the face of incomprehensible stress and being obedient to the principles that helped you deal with it. You are both amazing. Thank thee Father for the gift thou hast given us today and please help us all to remember and appreciate it!