I'm confused!!!

I find it interesting that life can be going just "hunky-dory" one minute and the next it can be frustrating and unmanagable. Well, today is one of those days. It all started out ok but then I had to stand in one spot until my back and neck and hips and knees were killing me while I packed hundreds of cans of chicken to prepare them to be cooked at the cannery. I tried to "focus" on the "process" like I teach my Tai Chi students. Famous words these: Focus, Process, Product. It all sounds very good until I try to apply it to my life. When I do that, the focus gets lost in the process and the process gets lost trying to get to the product. It is all so confusing.

My next block of time was spent at one of my favorite places in SLC at this time of year, Gardner Village. Unfortunately we got there in the midst of the "Witches Festival" and while it was fun it was not relaxing as I had hope it would be. Children and mostly women, in gaudy outfits, laughing and talking and yelling loudly while music blared everywhere did not add to my peace of mind nor did the fact that I couldn't find the gift that I had envisioned for a good friend's birthday. When I realized that I had also missed my second newest grandchild's birthday it didn't help at all.

At Gardner Village and then again at Tai Pan, I watched as people furiously scurried about to try to fill their lives with more "excitement" and more "stuff". Somehow it didn't seem very meaningful to me. What did seem meaningful was the fact that I was trying to find "just the right thing" to make a friend happy. The other things that seemed right today were that I was spending this time with my sweetheart and that I had met an old friend from years ago and it felt just the same, as if we had never missed a day. It brought back many happy memories of doing something that I hated to give up but had to in a somewhat confusing change of roles in my life.

Confused? Me too! Confused that I can't find just the right gift or that I can't say the words that really express what I want to say. Confused at the feelings that are swirling around me right now like a whirlpool threatening to swallow me at any minute. Confused that the preparations for something that I really want to do overwhelm me and cause me and those around me pain through my actions. Confused that there is so much I want to do here before I leave but that I want to leave so badly now. Confused that I can't explain this to my husband and confused that when I try he doesn't understand. Confused that I want to walk in faith so badly but confused that it is so hard to actually do that. Help me Heavenly Father because I am soooo confused.

Precious Family Fun

A few weeks ago, my sweet daughter Sarah called to see if she could plan a family reunion in our back yard. Anytime my family gets together is a good time so of course I said yes. I have been trying to figure out time for this anyway and she assured me that I wouldn't have to do much and that helped push me there. Since we are putting mission papers in, it seemed like perfect timing.

What a joy to have all of my family in my back yard putting up tents, building a campfire, singing itsy bitsy spider, having a devotional, taking pictures, laughing and loving. Sarah made wonderful shirts for us with "Precious"- Jarvis Family Reunion- 2011 and a "forget-me-not" on the back and the names of our two sweet heavenly daughters, Jamie and Serenna on the sleeve. Obviously, she loved Pres. Uchtdorf's talk at the Women's conference.

We ate and played and ate and laughed and cried and ate. the adults acted like kids and sometimes the kids were very adult. There was very little sleeping and a whole lot of talking (signing) and story telling. There was Spaghetti bake and french toast and S'Mores and awesome salsa. There was a question and answer period for grandpa and grandma. Very revealing! There were fun games and exercise. There was surprising little argument and a whole lot of helping out and cooperation.

Everyone that wanted to got to hold our new little addition Lexi and two brothers hugged and cried for a long time. We all got to know our new grandson Codie a little better. We made 6 baby blankets and throws and gathered bunches of stuff to give people who come in the Transient Services Office. It was "AWESOME"!

Can I just say how happy I am that these beautiful children and grandchildren are in my family and that I get to share this sometimes difficult but also joyful life with them. Again I feel so blessed. My family and this time with them is so very, very "PRECIOUS".