Because You Love Me, Silly!

I had an interesting conversation with my 4 year old granddaughter the other day. It went kind of like this.

Me: "Do you know how pretty you are?"

Ashy: "Yes!"

Me: "Do you know how sweet you are?"

Ashy: "Yes!"

Me: "Do you know how smart you are?"

Ashy: "Yes!"

Me: "How do you know all those things?"

Ashy: "Because you love me silly!"

That little statement made such an impact on me. To know that because I loved a child, it influenced how she looked at herself.

This little conversation in turn made me think of a little book we were told to read after we found our children were deaf. It was named 'Love Is Not Enough'. I really didn't like that book much. My husband liked it less. He used to say, "Love may not be enough but it goes a heck of a long way. Without it, you really don't get to the other stuff." I have discovered that he is so right. Everyone needs to know that there is someone who loves them no matter what. there is someone who you can turn to who loves you without question. I guess Ashy feels that way. Even when she is grumpy and cranky, I still love her and think she is pretty, sweet and smart.

I have had lots of occasions to think about this lately. A nephew who lived with us for a while came to stay and it was just like he never left. His last night with us was spent with Ken and I sitting on the bed and Kev kneeling at the bottom in long conversation about life and love and purpose etc. It was just as comfortable as it was before even though he lives far away with a family of his own. A neighbor who spent much of his time with our son had a business open house yesterday. He has a family and a life of his own but I don't love him any differently. My daughter recently walked in and said she needed to be some place where she knew she is always loved. There have been more than a few times when I felt the same way but also felt I had nowhere to go for that kind of validation.

I have a weakness of sorts. I have always kind of felt that how much I was loved depended on how I was performing for whomever I sought to have love me. Part of this came from how I was raised but part also comes from what I expect from myself. The irony of this is that I never look at other people in the way I look at myself. I pretty much love everyone because of the fact that they are sons and daughters of God. I have even felt pain for seriously evil people because I know what they are missing because they are unloved and/or unable to love others and themselves. Ken finds this a little disconcerting but it is true. I find myself able to love others without accepting their ways into my values and my life or expecting them to live the way I do. Sometimes, I just can't love myself in that same way. I expect much more of myself than is probably wise.

I have decided that I need to be more kind to myself. I need to "cut myself a break" and remember that I am good "because you love me, Ashy"!