Thoughts on Debbie

Sunday we lost another angel. She was not a perfect woman but she was an amazing person. Our Debbie had a pretty tough life almost from when life began. For those who don't know her, she married young, had a child, divorced, married again, had a child, divorced. Married again to her true love and had two more children. Though she had been through some serious tough times, her real hell began just one day after the birth of her last child.

She and her husband were forced to consider the question of how badly she wanted to live when she was found to have cancer in her thigh bone. Did she want to live to raise her 4 young children? To do so meant losing almost a quarter of her body. Medical science had the ability to save 3/4 of her. Just the thought of this tears me up. I simply can't imagine the thought of making that choice myself. It was made and she proceeded to have a surgery meant for one thing, to save her life no matter what that might mean to her future. No one knew that even though she was still alive, she wouldn't be raising her children anyway. It is easy to say, looking back, that perhaps this was a wrong decision but at the time, no one near her was a seer. No one knew what the future held. Everyone knew they wanted Debbie to live. We had no idea of the physical and mental anguish she would encounter on her 23 year struggle to survive.

I don't feel that her funeral captured her essence even though it was nice. There was talk of childhood and care centers (she spent much of her life in many different care centers because of her specialized needs). Various other things were brought up from others points of view but little was said about what was truly amazing about Debbie. There was a very small picture painted about a very large spirit! She was attacked by many demons, abuse in several forms, cancer and mental illness. She dealt with these issues every day of her life yet no one brought much about them up except in a poem which her sister wrote about her.

No one brought up her courage in the face of seemingly unconquerable odds. When Debbie was who she really was, when the demons of mental illness were in control, when she was not in pain of body and spirit, she was a truly gentle, kind, loving human being. There was some mention of her children and how she loved them but no one said how her face lit when she saw them. No one talked of how she waited for their calls and e-mails, the pictures of them and her grandchildren. Little was said of the childlike art sometimes on her walls or the stuffed animals which delighted her. There was talk of her love for horses, reading, drawing and the color purple. She had a passion for those things. Many did not understand her passion. She did many things well. It seemed like she was always getting the short stick. It seemed like many didn't think she deserved the best even though she really didn't ask for this lot in life.

Debbie loved pretty hair and painted nails and flowers. She loved other people and spending time with them. She loved tacos and pizza and coke and Carl's Jr. She was bright and smart and funny. The day before she died, she laughed about the "Royal Regal Portable Restaurant Bathroom" at JCW's. When she was good she was happy and told silly jokes and asked about your family and comforted you. When she was good, she watched over the needs of others, her family, her fellow patients in the care center and the staff there. When she was good which was much of the last few days of her life, she delighted in the visits from 3 of her 4 sons. They came from far away to honor and visit their mother for what would be the last time. She didn't want to leave yet she wanted to go.

She struggled so hard for so long, coming back to us numerous times out of sheer determination. Debbie, know that there are so many who admire and love you. So many who cared about the real Debbie inside that body which you called "a thing" and wanted so badly to fix. Know that your son Kevin will always see "my momma's blue eyes" and that this is what means everything. Know, that we want you to sing and laugh and dance just like you did on your very best days. Forget about the past and dance into the future. Those of us who really love you will meet you there!